Terms of Service

Last Updated: June 24, 2025

Welcome to Fried Ocean. If you made it this far, congrats—you might be the first. These Terms of Service (“Terms”) govern your access to and use of Fried Ocean’s websites, content, services, and social media (collectively, the “Sites”), and by using them, you agree to be bound by these Terms. If you don’t agree, we lovingly suggest you close your browser and go touch some grass.

1. Accuracy of Content (a.k.a. Please Don’t Quote Us at Dinner)

Fried Ocean is a satire and parody platform. All content on the Sites is provided “as is” and “as unhinged as we feel.” We make no representations or warranties about the accuracy, completeness, reliability, timeliness, or usefulness of anything here. The jokes are fake, the facts are probably worse, and if you somehow rely on this content for real-life decisions, you do so at your own risk.

We do not guarantee:

• That anything here is accurate, suitable, or even intelligible

• That the Sites will run without errors or bugs

• That your device won’t burst into flames after visiting

• That the vibes will always be good

2. External Links (a.k.a. We Don’t Control That Tab You Just Opened)

Our content may contain links to third-party websites. Clicking them means you’re leaving Fried Ocean waters and diving into the deep, weird internet. We do not endorse, control, or take responsibility for anything you find there. Good luck, and godspeed.

3. User Conduct (a.k.a. Don’t Be a Troll)

You must be at least 18 years old to use the Sites. If you’re younger, come back when you’ve made it through puberty and civics class.

When using our Sites, please:

• Don’t impersonate people (unless it’s your own clone)

• Don’t post anything racist, abusive, defamatory, violent, or generally vile

• Don’t upload viruses, spyware, or time bombs (actual or metaphorical)

• Don’t try to hack us or reverse-engineer anything—we barely understand our own code

• Don’t use bots, spiders, or any kind of automated tomfoolery

We reserve the right to remove anything, for any reason, at any time. Including that weird poem you submitted about your ex.

4. Your Content (a.k.a. What You Post Is Yours—Kinda)

Anything you post, submit, upload, or transmit through our Sites remains yours. That said, by posting it here, you give us a non-exclusive, royalty-free, worldwide license to use it in connection with Fried Ocean (and possibly our sequel brand: Soggy Continent).

This includes promoting, distributing, translating, turning it into a meme, or reading it aloud at our imaginary office holiday party.

You also confirm you have the legal rights to post what you submit. If you upload copyrighted material you don’t own, and someone gets mad, that’s on you.

5. Intellectual Property (a.k.a. Don’t Steal Our Stuff, Even If It’s Dumb)

All content on Fried Ocean, including text, graphics, logos, and designs (except user submissions), belongs to us. Don’t copy, republish, or steal it unless you’re willing to face our highly passive-aggressive cease and desist.

6. DMCA Notice (a.k.a. We’ll Take It Down If It’s Yours)

If you believe something on our site infringes your copyright, send a proper takedown notice to hello@friedocean.com with the following:

• A link to the infringing content

• Proof that you own the rights

• A statement that you’re not lying under penalty of perjury

• Your signature (digital is fine)

We take these seriously and will remove offending content if appropriate. But if you’re faking it, be warned: lying about copyright gets expensive.

7. Privacy (a.k.a. Read Our Privacy Policy, Seriously)

By using our Sites, you consent to our Privacy Policy, which is full of delightfully transparent explanations about what data we collect, how we use it, and why we promise not to sell it for a used hoverboard.

8. Accessibility (a.k.a. Tell Us If Something’s Broken)

Fried Ocean is committed to making its website accessible to as many people as possible. If you experience issues accessing content due to a disability, contact us at hello@friedocean.com and we’ll do our best to help—preferably without sarcasm.

9. Termination (a.k.a. You’re Outta Here)

We reserve the right to suspend or terminate your access to the Sites at any time, for any reason—especially if you violate these Terms, annoy other users, or try to pass off AI-generated content as your inner monologue.

10. Parody and Satire Disclaimer (a.k.a. It’s Not Real, Folks)

Fried Ocean is a satire and parody publication. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real people, events, or institutions is purely coincidental—or intentionally absurd. Nothing on this site should be considered factual, reliable, or legally actionable.

11. Disclaimer of Warranties and Limitation of Liability (a.k.a. Don’t Blame Us)

To the fullest extent permitted by law, Fried Ocean disclaims all warranties—express, implied, or imaginary. We are not liable for any loss, damage, confusion, or philosophical crisis caused by your use of the Sites.

You use Fried Ocean at your own risk. We recommend emotional armor and a sense of humor.

12. Changes to These Terms

We may update these Terms from time to time, and we won’t always notify you (we’re flaky like that). Check back occasionally or just assume everything’s changed and start over.

13. Legal Stuff (a.k.a. Arbitration & Disputes)

By using the Sites, you agree to resolve any legal dispute via individual arbitration. No class actions, no jury trials, no drama. We’re based in New York, so any non-arbitrated legal shenanigans will take place in NYC.

14. Contact Us

Still confused? Want to report a Terms violation, file a compliment, or pitch us a sitcom? Email us at hello@friedocean.com. Response times vary based on mood and caffeine levels.

Thanks for reading. Now go enjoy some fake news, responsibly.