Study Reveals 72% Believe Dinosaurs Went Extinct After Losing Revolutionary War
A new survey has revealed a stunning historical misconception: nearly three-quarters of American adults believe dinosaurs went extinct not due to an asteroid, but because they “lost the Revolutionary War.”
According to researchers, respondents insisted the dinosaurs “fought on the side of the British” but were ultimately defeated by “George Washington, a bald eagle, and a cannon that fired freedom.” One in five participants claimed the last living dinosaur surrendered at Yorktown after running out of gunpowder and “triangular hats.”
“We’re deeply concerned,” said lead researcher Dr. Elaine Harper, holding up a chart labeled ‘Historical Knowledge: Endangered.’ “Thirty-eight percent believe velociraptors signed the Declaration of Independence. Another 11% think Thomas Jefferson kept a stegosaurus as a pet. Only 4% correctly identified that dinosaurs died out millions of years before humans existed—though even they suggested maybe Benjamin Franklin was technically a pterodactyl.”
The study also found shocking levels of confusion regarding other periods of history. When asked about World War II, 29% were confident the Allies stormed the beaches of Jurassic Park, while 17% believed Abraham Lincoln freed the Velociraptor Proclamation.
Educators nationwide expressed dismay but also resignation. “At this point, I’d settle for them knowing who won the Revolutionary War,” sighed high school history teacher Mark Ellison. “Yesterday a student told me Paul Revere warned colonists by yelling ‘The T-Rex are coming!’ I didn’t even correct him. I just went outside and screamed into the sky.”
When asked what lessons could be learned, Dr. Harper was blunt: “Maybe history books need more explosions, or more Marvel cameos. Because apparently, people think the founding fathers fought dinosaurs with lightsabers.”
The research team concluded that if these trends continue, within 20 years most Americans will firmly believe the Civil War was fought against Godzilla.