Man Fighting Fire With Fire Gravely Misinformed
Emergency responders in Southern Arizona confirmed Monday that a local man’s attempt to “fight fire with fire” backfired spectacularly when he introduced a second, unrelated blaze into an already escalating brush fire.
According to reports, 42-year-old Barry Crenshaw arrived at the scene carrying a small propane torch and a look of absolute confidence. Witnesses say he repeatedly shouted “I got this!” while advancing toward the flames, dressed in cargo shorts, hiking boots, and what appeared to be a moisture-wicking tactical polo.
(Weirdly well-reviewed on Amazon, if you’re curious.)“Initially we thought he was part of the response team,” said Lt. Megan Waller of the Tucson Fire Department. “Then we noticed he was spraying lighter fluid on a shovel and talking to the fire like it owed him money.”
Officials quickly intervened before Crenshaw could ignite what he described as “a preemptive retaliation blaze,” noting that while backburning is a real technique used by professionals, it is “not usually done by shirtless men who brought their own soundtrack.”
When asked to explain his actions, Crenshaw reportedly cited an inspirational quote he had seen printed on a T-shirt:
“Fight fire with fire. Or die trying.”
Authorities say no major injuries occurred, but two garden gnomes, one plastic flamingo, and a shipment of solar-powered citronella candles were lost in the chaos.
“This could have ended worse,” said Fire Marshal Luis Delgado. “Honestly, the only thing keeping him from being completely engulfed was the sheer volume of Axe body spray he had applied earlier that morning.”
Related Gear That Absolutely Shouldn’t Be Used to Fight Fires
(Probably sponsored. Definitely reckless.)
Bluetooth Clip-On Speaker – For when your blaze needs a playlist.
Citronella Candle Pack – Scented, flammable, and ready to ruin your night.