Sir Aldous Tremaine-Gosse, the 71-year-old shipping heir, biscuit-fortune scion, and self-described “lunar sanitation philanthropist,” announced Wednesday from his estate in Wiltshire that he would commit $100 million of his personal fortune to the retrieval, repatriation, and “dignified terrestrial archiving” of the 96 bags of human waste left on the surface of the Moon by Apollo astronauts between 1969 and 1972.

“It really ties the room together,” said resident cook Gary Michaels, brushing off ash and a syringe before reclining against the floral design. “For the first time in years, I felt like I was coming home—not just collapsing into a toxic hole while my teeth fell out.”

Gary Pellman is 47 years old. He has been making the Mix every weekday at 11:47 a.m. since November of 2014. And in those eleven years, four months, and sixteen days, no shadow has fallen across his life.

The course itself, which is not expected to be physically constructible until at least 2071, will reportedly feature a par-4 dogleg around an active dust storm, a water hazard that is theoretical, and a nineteenth hole in a pressurized geodesic dome serving cocktails priced in a currency that has not yet been invented.

Until next week. Stay weird.